There is something really rewarding about being needed.
Especially when you’ve spent years becoming the person people trust to figure things out.
There’s a problem and someone calls you.
A decision needs to be made and people look to you.
Something goes sideways and you’re the person who knows what to do next.
That can feel really good.
It can also be exhausting.
And in a 24/7 environment, it doesn’t take long before being needed starts to feel like being available all the time.
There is always something.
Staffing. Patient care. A difficult conversation. An email that feels urgent. A deadline. A problem someone needs help solving.
And then, of course, there is another one right behind it.
When you spend enough time working that way, you get really good at responding.
Maybe too good.
Because eventually, everything can start to feel urgent.
I keep coming back to the idea of triage.
In healthcare, we would never treat every patient who walks through the door like they belong in the trauma bay:
Some situations truly need immediate action.
Some need careful assessment and a thoughtful plan in a treatment room.
And some things can wait in the waiting room.
That isn’t about caring less.
It’s about knowing the difference.
But in leadership, we don’t always give ourselves that same permission.
The email comes in, so we answer it.
Someone asks for something, so we respond.
A problem shows up, so we start solving.
Before long, we can spend an entire day reacting to what is directly in front of us without ever having much time to think about what actually deserves our attention.
And there’s a cost to that.
Research suggests that stress can affect decision-making, although the effect depends on the situation and the type of decision being made. In other words, stress doesn’t automatically make us poor decision-makers, but it can change how we weigh options, process information, and respond under pressure.
Research on recovery from work points to a concept equally important: psychological detachment, the ability to mentally disengage from work during non-work time. A meta-analysis of 86 publications involving more than 38,000 employees found that greater detachment was associated with less exhaustion and fatigue, better sleep, and greater well-being.
That doesn’t surprise me.
Most of us probably don’t need research to tell us that we think differently after a good night’s sleep than we do at the end of an exhausting week.
But I do think the research gives us permission to stop treating stepping away like something we have to earn.
And stepping away does not have to look the same for everyone.
I think that part is important.
For one person, it might mean an hour with the phone put away.
For someone else, it’s a long walk.
Maybe it’s sitting somewhere quiet with a cup of coffee and a notebook.
Maybe it’s a coaching conversation.
Maybe it’s blocking off a morning with no meetings and no agenda other than thinking.
And sometimes, for a question that feels big enough, it may mean intentionally changing your environment altogether.
There is no perfect formula.
The goal isn’t to escape every time life gets hard.
It’s to figure out what gives you enough distance to stop reacting and start thinking again.
There’s some interesting science behind that too.
Researchers use the term incubation to describe what can happen when we stop actively working on a problem for a while and come back to it later. A meta-analysis found an overall positive incubation effect, although how helpful it is depends on the type of problem and what happens during the break.
Most of us have experienced that without knowing the term.
You stop trying so hard to find the answer.
You take a walk.
You go to sleep.
You write the email, save it in drafts, and come back to it the next morning before you hit send.
You do something completely unrelated.
And suddenly, something you couldn’t see before feels obvious.
Making yourself a priority can look like that.
Not abandoning the people who need you.
Not becoming less committed.
And certainly not pretending that truly urgent things aren’t urgent.
It’s recognizing that you are part of the system you’re trying so hard to keep going.
If you never get far enough away from the noise to recover, reflect, and look at the bigger picture, eventually everything can start to look like the trauma bay.
And when everything is urgent, it becomes harder to know what actually is.
So maybe the question isn’t:
How do I get everything done?
Maybe it’s:
What really needs me right now? What needs thoughtful attention? And what can wait?
And then maybe one more:
What do I need in order to answer those questions with a clear head?
That answer is going to be different for each of us.
But I think making enough space to find it matters.
And that’s where Ristare comes in.
Ristare was created for leaders who are carrying a lot and may not yet know exactly what needs to change. Coaching creates space to slow down, look beneath what feels urgent, and get curious about what is really asking for your attention.
Sometimes that space can happen in a coaching conversation close to home. And sometimes, when the question feels big enough, changing your environment can help create the distance needed to see things differently. That is where travel can become part of the experience. Not as an escape from the problem, but as a way to step outside the usual noise long enough to hear yourself more clearly.
If this article resonates with you, and you know the way you are carrying things is not sustainable, I invite you to begin with a Clarity Call.
We’ll use 30 minutes to talk about what is bringing you to Ristare, what you are carrying right now, and what a path forward might look like. You do not need to have the answer before you come. That is part of what the space is for.
Keep making room for what matters,
Nicole
References
Wendsche, J., & Lohmann-Haislah, A. (2017). A Meta-Analysis on Antecedents and Outcomes of Detachment from Work. Frontiers in psychology, 7, 2072. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.02072
Sio, U.N. & Ormerod, T.C. (2009). Does incubation enhance problem solving? A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 135(1), 94-120. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0014212
Starcke, K., & Brand, M. (2012). Decision making under stress: a selective review. Neuroscience and biobehavioral reviews, 36(4), 1228–1248. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2012.02.003